The Care and Feeding of Relationships

By Suzanne St. John-Crane, CEO
Class XXV / Urbanism XXXIV
It’s at about this time of year that I begin to reflect on a special anniversary in my life. Our Fellows Program Wilderness Experience at Gold Lake happens to coincide with the anniversary of my mother’s passing – July 17, 1995. It’s actually a very beautiful place to celebrate her life and mark another year of distance from that difficult time in our lives. Usually, she finds a way to “say hello” at Gold Lake, through the phenomenon of coincidence delivered via a song, a bird, or a conversation with the Fellows. She is still very much with me.
My mom had incredible handwriting. She was raised Catholic, taught primarily by nuns and interestingly enough, even became one briefly. I pulled out her old address book recently to look up an aunt and was marveling at how meticulously she kept track of her relationships in this book and in her life. She catalogued birthdays, anniversaries, the dates that people had passed. In that classic handwriting, she kept track of all addresses – old and new – with precision. I can remember her using that book like a bible (no pun intended), ensuring that no in-law, brother, niece or nephew ever went without a card and a gift on their special day.
As I struggle to find ten seconds to post “Happy Birthday!” on a friend’s facebook page (despite being reminded regularly by the social media site), I am in awe of how my mother made relationships the priority. The care and feeding of those bonds was paramount. There was no Amazon Prime, no automated gift giving.  She would organize her purchases well in advance, hand wrap absolutely everything and in her signature handwriting, address the gifts to be sent back east. So much more than gifts went into those boxes.
How are we doing at the care and feeding of our relationships? When is the last time you actually handwrote a letter or card and put one of those sticky things – called a stamp, I think – on the envelope? Have you considered a phone call vs a text message? Or even some facetime… how revolutionary!
As Class XXXV heads to the mountains for six days of backpacking and unplugging, I want to call on all of us to put down the screens and pick up a pen, or pick up lunch and enjoy it with a loved one. Let’s double down on the care and feeding of our relationships. Much like our garden, they need tending; and the ROI is marvelous.